Remember When?

I remember thinking when I was young ~ I never want to grow up!

It was a thought that materialized when it dawned on me that the grown up world was one of deadlines, stress, and unhappiness. It seemed to be a world where no one trusted themselves or others and no one dared to just be. I had the feeling that once I attained this state of adulthood, I would have to give up my free spirit and would become confined and regimented.

In my neck of the woods, being a grown up equaled being a person who had seized to be experimental, had seized to be unique. It involved conforming to the rules and regulations of a world who wanted everyone to be a picture perfect of the others in their circle. It involved burying our passions, to not draw attention to ourselves, and striving for the so called ‘normalcy’. It was an expectation that never quite materialized but was heeded as the norm never the less. For me, it was the beginning of the end, a surrender of myself and a pretense to be something I never truly was and was never meant to be.

I followed this course for many years, lost many dreams, and pretended to be content. Eventually, thankfully, I reemerged and began to take back my childhood ways. I began to remember when life was fun, carefree, and an adventure. When trampling through the woods equaled a magical experience and a fairytale world where imagination thrived and life was grand.

Remember When?

I wonder when it is that running and skipping on the beach goes from a cute expression of the love of life and happiness to a sideways glance from strangers as if ‘something must be wrong with that one.’ When is it that dancing in the rain becomes a chore, wet and sloppy, instead of an expression of joy.? When is it that waking up to greet the sun seems strange and weird to people instead of a glorious way to celebrate of the day? When is it that we care more about other people’s expectations of us than our own expectations of ourselves? Whenever this is, I believe it is the moment that we begin to grow old or up, depending on your perspective. This is the time that we begin to notice that we may be different from others and start to dread the looks we receive because of it.

I’ve come to realize that becoming the norm is the same as turning over the reins of your horse to the person in front of you. This person leads and directs you by dragging you along on the path that they have chosen for you. If you allow this to happen, you will lose your identity and become just a shell of the person you dreamed you were as a child.

It is like the old story of the elephant held in chains. At first the elephant tries to pull against the chains but they are too strong. Eventually after pulling and pulling, day after day, he quits pulling. After awhile, the chains are removed, but in the elephant’s mind they are still there and he never takes another chance at breaking free of the bondage that is only there in his mind.

After breaking free of my own bonds, I am now free and I see life as glorious; I wake up to the magic that surrounds me every day. I wake up giving thanks for the blessings and beauty that has been bestowed upon me. I realize that this is my life and I am the director of my own multi- act play and the director of my own symphony. I know that whether I take my life in stride or if I skip along the rocky shores, it is all up to me. I can dance and twirl on the beach if I so choose, I can dance around the campfire howling at the moon, I can dream of a love that will endure the test of time, and I can have it all.

I want each day to be looked upon with childish expectations and dreams, I want to always believe the best in people, I want to have the faith to believe in ‘happily-ever- afters’, I want to share my childlike exuberance of life, and I want to fully live my life every with breath that I have.

Yes, I want to always remember when I first had a dream.

‘The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation.’

~Henry David Thoreau